As Jan. 30 (the date of my surgery) nears I'm filled with anxiety, fear and a great deal of thankfulness.
Without getting into too much detail I'll just say I'm having one of my feminine parts removed to save me from more pain in the future.
I'm scared of the surgery itself and I'm dreading the lengthy healing process that will keep me from work for six weeks. (You may have noticed the ad running in our paper for a new reporter to fill in for me during that time.) I fear the loneliness of a hospital room a ferry-ride away from home and I'm scattered trying to fill in all the little details like babysitting for my two-year-old, meal preparation, house-cleaning etc. while I'm out of service.
But I am so very thankful for my colleagues and management at Coast Reporter. At a time when many employers would be thinking of cutting their losses, my bosses are more worried about me than the bottom line.
When I had my first emergency surgery for the same problem in October last year, I was off work for about four weeks. I know my editor, manager and fellow reporters put in long hours to pick up the slack - thank you!
Before that I took a week off to heal from another episode that caused me to bleed internally for a little while, and dealing with the uncertainty of this medical problem has been trying. But never was a discouraging word spoken to me from co-workers at Coast Reporter. Instead, I was flooded with cards of well-wishing and home visits from colleagues bringing food and flowers. My family and friends have also been fabulous, helping me deal with the emotional, physical and spiritual strains. I am so thankful for them.
And I'm actually thankful I've gone through this. Dealing with this problem has helped me develop much more compassion for other people having to undergo surgery or dealing with chronic health problems.
Before it was easy for me to say, "Oh, I'm sorry you're going through that," but never really to think much more about it or to wholeheartedly offer help.
Since this experience, I have had many in-depth personal talks with people dealing with other illnesses, and I've connected with friends and family members in a new way.
I do believe everything happens for a reason, even if that reason is hard to find. Perhaps this is just a growing experience for me. The older I get, the more I realize I don't know anything. And true to my record thus far, I usually learn things the hard way.
So now I put aside the fears and anxiety and focus on the good around me.
Thank you to everyone who has helped me with a kind word, a strong hug, a reassurance, an act of kindness or a prayer. I'll remember what you've all done, and I'll be sure to pass it on.
