It took about three weeks for Keith VanBrabant to notice the change.
Before taking the Dads Matter program he would have described his parenting style as “traditional.”
“I ruled with an iron fist,” said VanBrabant, who at the time was raising his two-year-old daughter.
He was sceptical, but joined the program on the advice of a friend. “It took me a good portion of a month to understand what I was doing, what I was learning, was working at home.”
Dads Matter is a seven-week parenting program for men, run by the Sunshine Coast Community Services Society (SCCSS) and funded by the Sunshine Coast Healthcare Auxiliary.
SCCSS was scheduled to start offering an online version of the program starting July 23.
The program was launched to address a gap in services, according to Lynn Mackay, manager of family, youth and children’s services at SCCSS, and director of clinical counselling.
One-time funding from the Ministry of Children and Family Development got the course off the ground three years ago. There “were less opportunities for fathers to get together,” through SCCSS programs. “That’s something that’s been a concern for us for a long time.”
Dads Matter relies on attachment theory and highlights the changing role of fathers, educates men about children’s development stages and how to effectively discipline children without relying on punishment, among other things. It helps them reflect on challenges in parenting and understand the impact their behaviours can have on children and the family.
VanBrabant noticed the changes gradually, but they were profound. “Looking back on it, it was silly stuff,” he said. “The simplest thing is just getting down, looking them in the eye and touching their shoulder. Just that moment of connection is the world of difference when a man does it with their son or daughter.”
An electrician and now a father of two, VanBrabant took those lessons to heart and co-facilitates the program with Sarah Joseph. He also started a fathers support group called Dads United.
From the vantage point of a program facilitator, he sees fathers dealing with a range of challenges, including unlearning behaviours that, a generation ago, may have been acceptable. “As men, we only know how we were parented,” he said. “I’m 37 years old and I definitely was on the bad side of a spanking or two.”
VanBrabant says there are numerous examples of how children benefit from fathers who learn how to effectively communicate, and to drop anachronistic ideas about fatherhood and masculinity. Even playing goes a long way. “Fathers playing with their children has many benefits, including children with better balance, empathy, emotional regulation, resilience … the list goes on.”
The course is designed to be open to all fathers or caregivers, from foster dads to grandfathers or uncles. And backgrounds are also diverse. “I’ve seen the gamut,” said VanBrabant: Addiction issues, custody battles, single parenting, “plus just the regular dude that’s living happy and healthy and he just wants to be a better dad.”
The range of backgrounds is intentional, according to Mackay. “We wanted to make it that way.”
“Fathers learning from fathers with some support and education while they’re doing that, I think to me is really the best way for change to come,” she said.
With more parents spending much more time at home and facing the added pressure of economic uncertainty and public health restrictions, both Mackay and VanBrabant are hoping the online version will be especially useful.
“It’s so hard for a guy to walk through the door,” said VanBrabant. “The one benefit with Zoom, I think, is that it removes a heck of a lot of barriers.”
“Now you can literally do it from your man cave or from your kitchen table and you can still get a little bit of assistance when you need it.”
The program that was due to start July 23 runs every Thursday for seven weeks from 8 p.m. to 9 p.m. Contact [email protected] to register and receive a Zoom link, or call 604-885- 5657.
