Losing a loved one is hard, but losing a loved one while they’re still with you is particularly agonizing. That’s what my family’s going through this week. My stepfather has been sinking into the depths of Alzheimer’s disease and it seems he’s reached a tipping point.
This man, who used to worship my mother and gush about her to everyone who would listen, is now suspicious of her, calling her “boss woman” and at times sending threatening glances or phrases her way.
Evenings are particularly bad, which is normal with Alzheimer’s disease. We’ve learned a lot about this mind-destroying disease over the last year.
Dr. Alois Alzheimer put a name to it in 1906 when he first identified it. There are two main components of Alzheimer’s: a “plaque” buildup throughout the brain that becomes toxic to brain cells, and “tangles” which ultimately choke off living brain cells.
The brain actually dies and shrinks in some areas due to the disease, and its progression can be fast or slow, you just never know.
In my step-dad’s case it’s been fast. A year ago he was still recounting stories about my days as a sea cadet, him rushing across town with my perfectly polished boots when I forgot them on parade day (a story he’s loved telling for about 20 years now). Now he can’t recall that well-rehearsed story and some days he doesn’t even know who I am.
Along with the decline in memory my step-dad has been starting to hallucinate. That’s also common with Alzheimer’s.
Sometimes he sees and hears several people in a room when only my mother is there.
He’s also developed some delusions, another common and disturbing result of Alzheimer’s.
Often he’ll be sitting at home and saying he has to drive across town to get home. He hasn’t had a licence to drive for several years and he basically built the house he lives in now. It’s the same house he’s lived in for decades.
It’s a scary and confusing time for my step-dad and just as scary and confusing for my mother, who has been left for the most part to deal with my stepfather’s decline on her own.
My parents live in Calgary and my sister and I both live in B.C. so it’s not often we can get out there to lend a helping hand.
My mother’s been doing the best she can, but I wish she was here so I could support her better and help hook her up with community supports that seem to be lacking in Alberta.
Just last week my mom was told that my step-dad will have to move into a facility where they can help care for him properly. The move was ultimately inevitable, but it’s still hard to take.
Alzheimer’s is a disease that at this point has no cure, although there are some promising tests and trials now underway. I hope and pray something’s developed soon, so others don’t have to suffer.
