I've been a smoker off and on for 16 years, but within the last two years I've managed to solidify the habit with a pack of cigarettes every day. The horrible habit has cost me thousands of dollars and probably years of my life and recently, I decided it was time to quit. I had my last smoke at 4 a.m. on Feb. 28, just two hours before I had to go under the knife for surgery to remove a cyst that had been causing me great pain for some time.
I figured it would be a good time to quit. I'd be able to go through withdrawal on a cocktail of morphine and other painkillers in a smoke-free hospital without the ability to walk down the block and light up.
I woke up in immense pain and my lungs were sore from the breathing tube that had been put down my throat to force air in and out of my lungs while I was under. Almost immediately I had to cough, which isn't great when you've just had abdominal surgery. I'll spare you the details of what came out of my lungs, but let's just say it was obvious I had been smoking for years. On that day it was easy to quit. I felt horrible and knew that quitting smoking would help me feel healthier and breathe easier. The pain from my surgery continued for a few days and I slipped in and out of consciousness in bed, blissfully unaware of the withdrawal symptoms I was experiencing.
Once I was back home and feeling a bit better, I started to stay awake longer and I assumed I would just start life again as a non-smoker. After all, the magic 72-hour period for nicotine to exit my system was over, so the cravings should be gone also right? Oh, how wrong I was.
As I got healthier I craved cigarettes more. It was almost as if I thought, "I'm healthy now, why not smoke just a little? I can take my health down a notch and still be OK."
Once I got back into the routine of things at home, everything reminded me of smoking. Pouring a cup of coffee, watching commercials, walking outside, driving, eating, even breathing reminded me of how much I wanted a cigarette. Soon I got angry. I wanted to scream or cry or growl like an animal. It was then I realized that quitting smoking sucks and it makes me mad. I wrote as much on my Facebook page and the comments I got back surprised me. Everyone was on my side. Encouraging me to keep up the effort and promising things would get better. Family and friends that I didn't even know who struggled with smoking, confessed their quit dates and proudly displayed their number of years smoke free. I felt like I was in some sort of a club. A new, healthy, non-stinky club, that I was proud to be a part of.
When I was a pack-a-day smoker I would hide my habit in alleyways or around corners, quick to spray myself with perfume and pop a piece of gum to cover up the stinky evidence. I was never proud of it, I just felt I needed it. And honestly I've felt the "need" for a cigarette more than I'd like to admit over the past couple of weeks.
I know it's normal and the cravings will dissipate over time, but wow is the desire to smoke ever powerful. They say it's easier to quit heroin than cigarettes, not that I'm going to test the saying, but it's an interesting tidbit. I don't see heroin packaged and sold in grocery stores and gas stations, but smokes are available just about everywhere, trying to lure me back in with the old "one won't hurt" motto. I know better. I've quit many times before and it was always that "one won't hurt" mentality that sucked me back in. I might eat 100 suckers, chew gum until my jaw hurts or play guitar until my fingers bleed, but I don't ever plan to light up again. Here's hoping I get to stay in the non-stinky club.
