Our mental health naturally fluctuates, and we generally understand that the same is true for others, especially our partners, family members, and close friends. When someone we care about experiences a serious decline in their mental health, the emotional toll on those of us in caregiving or support roles can be both profound and exhausting. Feelings of fear, sadness, loneliness, confusion, frustration, and fatigue are all common and entirely valid.
May is Mental Health Month, a time to continue the important work of reducing stigma and increasing access to resources and tools for those who are struggling. Equally vital is the need to recognize, support, and care for those who walk alongside a loved one through their mental health journey. There are many layers to how this can impact our lives, and it is important to take an honest look at what is happening before we can know what steps to take next.
Navigating mental health challenges with someone close to us can begin to shift the dynamic of the relationship, sometimes in subtle ways and other times more significantly. Roles may change, communication can become strained, and the emotional balance that once existed may feel off-centre. What was once a shared or reciprocal connection may begin to feel one-sided, and the weight of responsibility can grow heavier, often without a clear path forward.
As these dynamics shift, we may find ourselves drawn into complex and emotionally charged conversations about diagnosis, psychiatric care, medication, and long-term wellbeing. At the same time, we might witness changes related to addiction, psychosis, or altered behaviours and functioning, experiences that can be confusing, painful, and deeply distressing. The person you care about may begin to seem unfamiliar, and the traits you once relied on in them may feel diminished or difficult to access. This sense of unpredictability and loss can take a significant emotional toll.
If any of this resonates with you, please know that you are not alone.
Supporting someone who is facing anxiety, depression, or more acute and persistent mental health challenges often brings us face to face with our own limitations. It is natural to want to help, to offer solutions, or to try to ease their pain. We may feel responsible for their recovery or become consumed by worry. But mental health struggles are not problems to be “fixed.” Often, the most meaningful thing we can offer is our presence, listening without judgment, validating their experience, and letting them know they are not alone. Simple, steady support can be more impactful than trying to find the right answers.
That said, being emotionally available to someone who is struggling can be draining. It is essential to remember that you, too, deserve care and attention. Self-advocacy means recognizing your own needs and responding to them, whether that means setting boundaries around what kind of support you can offer, making time for your own rest and interests, or reaching out for help when you need it. Saying “I can’t do this right now” or “I need support too” is not a failure; it is a necessary act of self-care.
It is also normal to feel complicated emotions in this process. You might experience guilt for needing space or shame for feeling resentful. These are human responses to prolonged stress and uncertainty. Giving yourself permission to feel without judgment can be a powerful act of self-compassion. You are doing the best you can with what you have and that is enough.
Connecting with others is one way to find strength and remember that you are not alone in this. Many people find comfort in talking with others who are navigating similar experiences. Support groups, whether in person or online, can offer understanding, reduce feelings of isolation, and provide practical insight. Knowing that others have walked this path before you can be both grounding and empowering. Counselling is also a valuable resource not only for those living with mental illness, but for those who support them. A counsellor can help you process your emotions, explore your boundaries, and build sustainable strategies for coping and communication.
It is also important to remember that mental health journeys are rarely linear. There may be progress followed by setbacks, hope followed by disappointment. For caregivers and support people, this can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. Recognizing and celebrating small moments of growth, and acknowledging the courage it takes to keep showing up for your loved one and for yourself is vital. Holding space for hope while accepting the realities of the moment is a delicate balance, but it is also where resilience begins to grow.
No one should have to navigate this alone. Whether you are supporting a spouse, child, sibling, parent, or friend, the role you play is meaningful but it should not come at the cost of your own wellbeing. Creating a circle of support through friends, professionals, community services, and peer networks can ease the emotional burden and remind you that you are not solely responsible for someone else’s healing.
There is no perfect way to support someone with mental illness. Some days will be hard. Some days you may feel resentful, unsure, or afraid. But the simple acts of listening, staying grounded, and showing up with compassion even when the path ahead is unclear are powerful. And just as your loved one’s healing matters, so does yours.
Sarah Tesla is a counsellor on the Sunshine Coast who supports the diverse needs of clients in rural and remote communities. This column is informational and is not intended to be a substitute for counselling support or services. If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health or substance use, please seek professional support.
