All hail Saint Gertrude of Nivelles! Patron of travellers, gardeners and cats. Protector against rats and mental illness. Her feast day just happens to fall on March 17, the same as a certain murderer of Pagans who is widely celebrated with obscene acts of alcoholism.
I don’t actually have anything against St. Patrick, even though most historical sources agree that the quote-unquote snakes he forced out of Ireland and into the sea were, in fact, Druids. And I don’t have anything against getting drunk to have fun. But these alcohol holidays are ridiculous, and St. Patrick’s Day, frankly, is verging on being racist.
No one celebrates St. Moritz Day (Sept. 22) by wearing shoe polish on their face, so why act like drunken idiots for the Irish saint?
St. Moritz (sometimes St. Maurice or Mauritius) was the first African to be canonized by the Catholic Church. He was a Roman Legionary in the third century who was martyred for refusing to massacre Christians.
As I’ve said, I have no problem with drinking. To be honest, I like drinking. Yes, alcohol is an intoxicating substance and can be dangerous in excess or even addictive with prolonged use. But for a lot of people, it’s not a vice or at all problematic. It’s social thing that adults can do together, and it’s fun.
St. Patrick’s Day isn’t fun unless you’re drunk. I don’t think it’s fun anyway, but have you ever been to one of those parades sober? It’s horrible. It’s not a thing that anyone would willingly do without drinking themselves senseless.
Adults don’t need an excuse to drink. In fact, making an excuse to drink (like, “it’s St Patrick’s Day, I have to”) is a red flag for alcohol addiction.
So why do it at all? Why not just go to the bar with your friends and have a few drinks. If you have one too many and get a little sloppy, hey, it happens. But the mentality around St. Patrick’s Day is that it has to happen.
You have to get so drunk you puke green beer all over yourself and others. You have to be belligerent. You have to be obnoxious. You have to dress and act like an Irish stereotype.
So, instead of doing those super fun things, let’s celebrate St. Gertrude instead. We can theme the holiday around travelling, gardening, cats or all three — and we can have a drink or two while we’re at it, ‘cause, you know — why not?
