10.2°C Not observed 
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Apparently, I’ve had my head buried in the newsy sand of Iranian political unrest, journalists arrested in North Korea, a Honduran coup and the Iraqi celebration of the withdrawal of American troops.
Silly me. In the meantime, it has come to my attention that Archie Andrews proposed to Veronica Lodge, the catty billionairesse of comic strip women, and thus relegated everybody’s best friend Betty Cooper to the dark and dreary world of spinsterhood.
Zoinks, Archie! What the
H-E-double-hockey-sticks are you thinking?
You’re doomed to a future of servitude: bringing home your hard-earned bacon to keep up the high-end fashion needs of a gal with a streak for vengeance, girl bullying and possibly Botox parties.
E-GADZ, Archie! Where are your chums Jughead and Dilton to set you straight? The honeymoon theatrics won’t have cooled before ice queen Ronnie sends Hotdog packing to a shanty in the backyard.
A man without his dog, so sad … And what about a man space in the mansion, Archie? A men’s den and Saturday nights at the bowling alley? POOF! ZAP! POW! Gonzo-alonzo, that’s what. It will be pedicures and gal pals, no plotting pranks for you, my friend.
Ahhhh, Betty. I know I’m not the first to feel your pain. This is ABC’s reality show The Bachelor gone toon town in a terribly twisted way. You’re a woman of strength, integrity and compassion, Betty. A gal with her head on straight who’d make a spectacular life partner in the most equal of terms.
We know you’re the classier woman, painted mute by artist’s ink and a company’s demand to sell more scandalous double digests that they, and we, know Va-va-Veroomica can sell better than you.
What I understand through Internet research is that Michael Uslan, superhero movie producer and Archie comic writer, approached Victor Gorelick, the comic’s editor-in-chief, and said he wanted to write the proposal between Ronnie and Archie.
I wonder, will decades-long Archie cartoonist Stan Goldberg’s hand tremble when he draws the kiss that will seal the deal?
Behind the decision with Uslan and Gorelick were, that I could count, as many as five other men in high-ranking positions of the company.
Was it discussed with any women within the Archie dynasty?
This smacks of a backroom arranged marriage, and even Veronica was left out of the decision-making. For all her negative characteristics, it strikes me that Ronnie is a passionate woman with her own mind, and it occurs to me as I type that perhaps even she might be aghast at the pending nuptials. To love a boy through the teenybopper years at Riverdale High does not mean she wishes to wed him!
There are far more important world events to pay attention to today, and yet when I heard of this crazy wedding between Archie and Veronica, I had a physical and emotional reaction. I blanched. I shook my head in despair. I ranted aloud to my co-workers about the injustice of it and the immature ineptitude of Archie Andrews to choose a woman who wants only to own him rather than love him.
When life gets tough, I look to Dolly for clarity. That’s right, Parton. And in her wisdom, having gone before us younger women and knowing how we feel, I looked to her web page of personal quotes and took strength in this one: “My weaknesses have always been food and men — in that order.”
Let’s go for ice cream at Pop Tate’s, Betts. I’m buying, girlfriend. And I’ll let you in on the secret joys of solo living.
